🐥The Paradox of Now #25

Waffle Wednesday Wins!

Hi people!

A few weeks ago I was chatting with one of my lovely work colleagues who had read my newsletter about staying in touch with friends.

It turns out she has been doing her own version for years and she’s been very consistent with it.

Their lives have changed, they live in different parts of the country, and meeting up hasn’t always been easy. But one regular waffle every Wednesday has helped them stay close.

It’s proof that it works, and honestly, just such a wholesome thing to hear.

And a gentle nudge to try something like this in your friendship group if you fancy!

Now let me give you a taste of what's coming:

🐥 The best beach game you’ve never heard of
🐥 A life in the shadows
🐥 Pies and puppets

🥚Eggstra News🥚

Your weekly dose of some fascinating and fun finds:

🧂Lagomchef – I don’t know this guy, but I feel like we’d be best mates. Food, vibes, friendliness.

🧖Hikitalo – A Cardiff-based sauna business with a story that beautifully mirrors today’s main body reflections.

🏐KUBB – The perfect beach game you have never heard of. Like Viking boules. Loved by all who are introduced to it.

The Paradox of Now

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Living in the Shadows

The inspiration for this came from something I wrote in my personal journal last week. Most of what you read is instinctive and written in spurts and moments.

This is my stream of consciousness, later tinkered with, shaped into something worth sharing.

Sometimes we do live in fear of truly embracing who we are and our duty on this planet.

We pursue something that is shaped similarly to our desires and feels tantalisingly close, but in our heart of hearts we know it is not where we are supposed to be.

The young tennis coach too afraid to take the leap of trying for himself, despite knowing his innate ability.

The student getting their Masters in entrepreneurship without actually starting their own business and failing numerous times.

These people may genuinely love what they do, and I’m not denying that. But there are many people out there living their shadow lives with insufferably deep pain.

This got me thinking about my career and my life. I began to see the pattern unveil itself.

As a chef I was never a good chef, but every day felt like I was offering therapy and someone to speak to whilst rubbing shoulders with fellow egg poachers.

When I was a delivery driver during COVID I would stop and listen to stories, in particular those of the elderly.

In Careers Wales I was working on reception, but would lend an ear to both customers and fellow staff.

In my current job I’ve had management ask how and what direction their own children should go down.

These are no brags. This is more of an introspective look to see what the truth is. I want to help and it feels like my duty to do so.

I wasn’t doing anything wrong in those jobs, but instead doing things similarly aligned with what I want to do, but without it being my real work.

And maybe that is how this newsletter came to be.

Maybe I am just at the beginning of a life out of the shadows, and I just can’t quite see that yet.

Or maybe I’m not.

And that is both simultaneously terrifying and exciting.

Because life would not be interesting and everything would be futile if we only pursued things where we knew the outcome.

We would not watch half the movies we watch if we knew the ending.

We would not try that new McDonald’s McFlurry if we knew what it tasted like.

We would not travel to a new city if we knew the texture of its walls, the taste of its coffee and the feeling of the seats in its squares.

But at the same time, the unknowing is unnerving.

And all of it could be for nothing.

But maybe that is the point.

Do it for the love of it.

And maybe pursuing a life out of the shadows is just the starting point of moving away from the shadow life, even if we do not know where we are going next.

It may lead us into other unfamiliar shadows.

But I believe the light always finds a way through.

There are gaps in every canopy.

And there’s always just enough light reaching the forest floor for something new to grow.

Yet, I still fear the shadow life more than anything.

I fear it because I feel as though I have something to offer this world and its finite inhabitants in the short time I am on it.

But I have gratitude and appreciation for this fear.

Because I get to live a life where I can choose to have this fear.

There are many people working five or six days a week just to put food on the table and provide for their family.

And that is honourable and commendable.

We need those people in this life.

At times I wonder whether that is the better life.

I do think about these things, but they do not think about them.

Because they have no choice.

They have no space or time to do so.

And I am acutely aware of that.

I simultaneously fear the shadow life, yet have gratitude for the life I was born into and have made.

A luxury paradox to be in.

Because the life I am leading now is great.

I appreciate it. I am grateful. I love it.

But if I lived the same day I’m living now 100 days in a row, I would feel as though I had lived a shadow life.

To many, this life would not be a shadow life. It would be a life of paradise, freedom, and luxury.

And I think sometimes we can be a little selfish in this life as we all wander around living our lives of sonder.

It is to be expected when we are all playing single-player games.

But by being selfish in the short term, I feel I can be selfless in the long term.

Because a life out of the shadows is one where I can improve my small corner of the world.

And yes, to some extent I am already doing that now.

But I want the boundaries to stretch so that my small corner also gets a little bit of sun too.

I know the sun will set on me one day.

And I am also aware that shadows cast longer the later the day goes on.

But I was born to be in the sunshine, and I want to bring others into the light too.

And I promise I will provide the factor 50.

But for now, I feel as though I need a bit of guidance on how to move out of the shadows and out of the darkness.

And maybe you do too.

So how does any of what I say help when I still have no answers?

Well maybe it doesn’t directly.

Maybe it just helps in its truest form of vulnerability.

It helps by showing that there’s at least one other person out there who may feel the same, and they are brave enough to voice it to the world.

I have achieved so much.

And I know this could sound a bit like I am chasing the dragon.

I get that.

But a quote my dad says to me, often helps:

And I like that.

I know I will never be able to touch the sun.

Icarus taught us all this.

I know that I won’t be able to do it all.

But once I am close, I think I can be okay with that.

And it is up to me to define ‘close’, to define what is enough.

And enjoy the pursuit of getting there in the meantime.

I don’t want to be like the other people.

Like the people who may lead shadow lives and don’t even know it.

I dabble with the idea, but that is not me.

As I have said in the past:

And this is just a gentle reminder to myself, and those who may be in a similar situation that we are just at the beginning of this journey.

So be patient, but patient with purpose.

If you have the luxury of reading this, chances are you weren’t born in the shadows.

But you may have wandered into them.

I don’t know how big your shadow is.

I don’t even know how big mine is.

But it’s not too late to step towards where you think the light may be.

Because shadows only ever fall behind us when we’re facing the right direction.

🐥 Haiku’s Haiku 🐥

Pulled this one from the archives. Rooftop bar in Seville.

It’s sad but true. I scroll through old photos of Haiku like he’s my firstborn.

I’m not weird. You are.

🌴 Palm Tree Euphoria 🌴

Funny how life works. This week’s main body unlocked a memory I’d completely forgotten about.

Years ago, me and the boys put on some shadow puppet shows.

No script. No plan. Just our hands and pure chaos.

One scene involved a puppet repeatedly screaming: “PIEEEEE”

No idea why.

Still makes us laugh.

Still gets shouted in group chats five years later.

As the nights draw in and you get bored of whatever Gamebox console you play on, invite your mates over, grab some beers and do something silly like shadow puppets.

Let yourself be weird and creative.

At the very least, it’s a better Monday morning story than “not much, you?”

See you next week Dashing Ducks! 🐥

P.S. if this spoon-fed slice of nonsense made you smile, pass it on to a fellow duckling who knows the true value of equal bites and shared soup.

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